Chapter: 32 PART 1
Pairing: Xiuris (Xiumin/Kris)
Summary: The flower naturally grows near the river that flows with love and patience. It is happy and content near the wide expanse of water that drifts downstream. The river needs the flower, it finds it too beautiful to let go. It give whatever it has to make sure the flower and can bloom.
A/N: thirty two and I like...a...shoe. whatever.
Song for this chapter is HERE
When Rui woke up he didn't recognize Wu Fan. Well he did, but not in a welcoming way. I could tell Rui was studying him carefully. He was sure that he'd seen Wu Fan before and that he knew the man in some aspect, but he wasn't sure how. Two years was a long time for such a young child. And it had been over a year since Rui last remembered he had a Papa. There was barely any memory left of Wu Fan, the Papa that belonged to Rui. There was only a man with a familiar face and a sense of warmth that my son was drawn to.
Wu Fan let Rui's small hands trace over his tired features, he tugged at the man's hair and lined up their palms. He was trying to remember who Wu Fan was, and why he was so comfortable around him. My husband didn't mind, he understood what was going on. But it still pained him a bit.
In the end Rui didn't remember that Wu Fan was his Papa. But he did, however, decide that even if he didn't remember who Wu Fan was, he still liked the man.
“Are you going to stay with us?” my son asked in his small voice. He was seated in Wu Fan's lap, facing him with a little concerned brow. Wu Fan nodded and smiled.
“What's your name?” Rui asked honestly. My hurt strings were pulled. Wu Fan's features tightened but he kept his smile.
“Call me...you can call me Kris.”
Rui nodded with acceptance and held out his hand for a handshake. Wu Fan's laugh was deep but he held out his hand as well. “Is it okay if I call you xiao baoshi?”
I giggled at Rui's contorted and confused face, “What's a show bowshi?”
“It means little gem. Like what your Appa calls you. But it's in Chinese.” Wu Fan explained and stroked Rui's cheek with a fond touch. My son shrugged and nodded. My husband pressed a sweet kiss to Rui's forehead.
“Xiao boashi, can I talk alone with Xiumin for a second?” he asked my baby politely. Rui nodded and leaned over to where I was sitting—right next to them—and whispered loudly, “Kris wants to talk alone with you Appa!”
Rui passing on information that had clearly been heard. Some things never change.
“Thank you little gem, go play with your friends for a little while okay?” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
My son jumped out of Wu Fan's lap and ran outside to play for a bit, leaving me and my husband alone in the small house. We sat their quietly for a few moments. I wasn't sure what to say. Because there were a lot of things that needed to be said, and I just didn't know where to start...
“I'm sorry.” We both said together. I opened my mouth to ask why he was sorry, but he beat me to it.
“Why are you apologizing?” he asked and his arm came around my shoulder to pull me closer. I leaned in to him, circling his waist and settling in to his side. It felt good to just touch him again.
“I'm sorry Rui doesn't remember you. I should have-”
“There's nothing to be sorry for Minseok. You were keeping him safe. Knowing my name would mean if anyone asked him who I was...that would mean danger. I mean, I'm sorry actually, for being away from you both for so long. My absence is the reason he doesn't remember me...” he sighed heavily and rested his head on mine. His thumb absently stroked my upper arm.
“You don't have to be sorry for that...” I started, “but...why were you gone for so long? I thought it would be a few months at most before you came back.” I cleared my throat. I didn't know if that was a touchy subject, if Wu Fan and Yixing had been through hell just to get to us. What if something terribly dark had happened and they never wanted to talk about it again? I had to be able to understand that didn't I? My husband leaned away from me and I sat up. He scooted so that he was facing me, his hands holding mine. He looked anxious, tired, and worried.
“I can't tell you everything Minseok..I-I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you everything...” he swallowed loudly and tried to look me in the eye.
“I'm not proud of...what I had to do to stay alive. I just wanted to get back to you...” his tongue flicked out to lick his dried lips. He didn't seem like he was going to say much else.
“If I ask, will you tell me?” I checked. His worried eyes looked at me with panic.
“You don't have to tell me everything, if it's that hard I just...” I saw him worrying his bottom lip and I shook my head quickly, “never mind. I shouldn't push you. I'm sorry I just-”
His kiss was so warm it took my breath away. I held on to his wrists, his hands cupping my face. His tongue was insistent against my lips and I willingly let him in. He gently guided me down until I laid under him on the mattress I shared with Jongdae and Rui.
Wu Fan was over me, his weight on top of me was comforting. His eyes staring down at me was something I'd missed. The sun was shining through the windows, creating a halo of light around his hair. I was falling in love all over again. His stare was soft, his kiss was rough and my moans were desperate. I craned my head up as I was eager to keep our kiss unbroken. He pulled my loose tank off, quickly attaching his lips to my chest and leaving marks like he used to.
“I'll tell you things later just-I promise. But let me...I missed you.” he fell over his words and I knew what he meant by that.
It had been so long and yet he still knew my body like we'd been together the day before. He knew how to kiss my stomach, how to tease me and make me shudder beneath him. I kissed beneath his ear to hear him pant my name. He crawled down until he was hovering over my lower region. With warm hands he pulled my shorts away, hooking my knee over his shoulder and leaning down to take me in his mouth. My eye lids fell down heavy, my heart galloping. His slick finger pushing in to me made my jaw fall open. My finger dug in to his scalp and he kissed up the underside of my member, working two fingers in to stretch me open.
He left sweet kisses over my thighs, chuckling when I whined because that had always tickled me. His mouth moved down until his tongue mixed in with his fingers, trying to explore me.
I whispered to him, pleading for him to get inside me and that I was ready. I'd been ready for a long time. I'd waited for him long enough.
The first push left stars in my eyes, the rush and heat of him was perfect. My imagination hadn't done this feeling any justice. He kissed up my arched neck, “F-fuck Minseok, I-I love you, oh god-” he grunted against my closed eyes. His voice was so loud to me, so clear in my ears. I'd missed it. I whimpered for more, I didn't want him to wait for me to adjust. He was back in my arms and I wanted all of it, everything that he could give me.
I didn't expect him to listen to me, but I was glad he did. I'd forgotten how large his hands were as they held my hips and he pushed all the way in to me. I had to open my eyes, I couldn't miss this.
There they were.
Those eyes that started it all.
They could see right through me, the real me. And as he rocked a steady rhythm in to me I could see the devotion and love he had for me in those eyes. My own eyes watered as the pain started to dull.
“I d-dreamed about y-you l-like this.” I breathed.
His lips covered mine and he kissed me slowly.
“I h-hated waking up w-with out y-you,” I confessed against his mouth. More tears clouded my vision. He moved back, sitting up and gripping my thighs in his large hands. And those eyes, they looked down on me. I'd missed them so much. I never wanted to forget what it felt like, to be looked at like that. To be looked at with love.
“Don't leave me Wu Fan please ah” I gasped and held on to him desperately.
“I'll never leave you again Minseok. I swear.” he replied in a low voice.
My head fell back when he bucked his hips in to me deep and hard. I moaned freely for him, all my senses being drowned out by his presence around me, inside of me, because he was finally with me.
He'd returned to me. I prayed that this wasn't another nightmare. I couldn't wake up from this, this feeling of complete bliss and euphoria. He had returned to me, my river was a part of me again.
The sparks of my climax came too soon, I wanted it to last. I reached for him and he complied, laying on top of me and embracing me just the way I needed. I inhaled his scent, I tasted his skin and remembered how he'd once smelled like the morning air. I heard his soft grunts as he got closer, and the sounds tugged at my heart. “I love you,” I cried and squeezed him as tightly as I could.
His low moan echoed in my ears as he came inside me, my body shuddered at the feeling of being filled. I gasped and bit my lip as my high hit my body, relaxing in his arms as I came.
“Don't!” I gasped when I felt his arms loosening around me. He froze, waiting for me to tell him what to do exactly,
“j-just...hold me...hold me tightly please?” I whispered. I sighed with relief as the arms I trusted the most wrapped around me even tighter than before. It was almost physically hard to breath, but mentally this was what I needed. This security was what I'd missed, what I'd needed.
“I don't care what you had to do, to return to me Wu Fan I don't care.” I said against the crook of his neck. “I'm just happy that you came back. I love you.” I assured him. I smiled as he left a strong kiss on my neck and moved to get up. We were only separated for a moment as he stood up and then reached down to pull me up and in to his arms again.
“So where do we shower around here?” he asked and I laughed.
“It's actually outside,” I smirked as his eyes widened, “the water is very cold.”
“There's walls or a curtain right? You haven't been showering in plain public right?” he questioned quickly and I laughed out loud. It felt good to laugh like that.
“Of course there is! A curtain!” I smiled, he sighed in relief. We tugged on our bottoms and quickly made our way behind the house.
He didn't let our bodies part outside, with the icy water running down our bodies. Wu Fan took his time memorizing my body again, kissing every inch he could get to. I gladly let him and we fell back in to our harmonious step. We were in synch as we moved back in to the house, as I cooked him something small to eat. He was on my heels and surrounding me wherever I went.
He followed me as I walked Rui to school. Even though he was late, my son happily held both of our hands and quietly watched Wu Fan and studied him in the only way that Rui knew how. I expected a million questions later when it was bedtime.
Wu Fan followed me as I went to clean a few houses in town and cooked for an elderly couple a few houses away. He sat and watched as I scrubbed floors—after attempting to help me many times and me refusing his help—and he watched me wash clothes for other people. And when I was done he carried me on his back to let me rest. I stared at his ear and smiled to myself. He was here and carrying me home. I draped my arms over his shoulders and rested in to his back.
When we made it home, Yixing and Jongdae were back from wherever they had been—but seeing several love bites on Jongdae's neck plus the thick silver band on his ring finger one could only guess—they greeted us with wide grins. Yixing hugged me properly and Jongdae tackled Wu Fan with a happy laugh.
Rui was building a small fort out of sticks and dirt that he focused on with a cute pout while we took a moment to talk.
“Dae told me, about Luhan...” Yixing mentioned in a low voice. My eyes widened in horror and I quickly checked to see Wu Fan's reaction. I'd been so caught up in having him back with me I'd forgotten to tell him about his brother.
My husband's face looked terribly torn. The day had gone so well, and yet it was going to end on this note. I held his hand timidly, and I felt relief as he held it tightly and tugged me close.
Jongdae carefully explained to Wu Fan about what had happened on our journey here. From Chanyeol storming on the boat to Luhan leaving with Jongin to Korea. And at the end of it Wu Fan was actually leaning on to me, left speechless and wide-eyed.
I rubbed consolatory circles on his abdomen and looked up at him with worry. I feared he'd have a mental break down or something. But thankfully he took a deep breath and pecked my forehead quietly.
Jongdae made it a point to say that Jongin and Luhan were really in love, that we wouldn't have been able to stop Luhan from following even if we tried. In the end I had been the one to give Luhan permission, but we both knew that Luhan would have ripped the world apart until he was back in Jongin's arms.
“What happened when you guys got here?” Yixing asked with his arms wrapped around Jongdae's waist. His face was nuzzled in to the crook of Jongdae's neck and his eyes were calm and waiting. He was referring to our time in Thailand alone. The thoughts of all my nightmares, of my depression and Jongdae's break downs flashed through my mind.
Jongdae and I shared a look before we both shrugged. “Nothing.” we kind of lied. Well we did. But it's not like we wanted to relive our traumatic times just yet either. We wanted to stay in this moment for a little longer.
“No really,” Yixing pushed with a scowl, “what happened?”
Jongdae and I blinked while looking at each other, “Nothing.” we tried to sound convincing.
Wu Fan and Yixing both scoffed in amusement. Yixing bit his lover's ear roughly while Wu Fan pinched my side.
“Yah you wanna die?!” Jongdae snarled and elbowed Yixing in the gut at the same time that I whined and slapped Wu Fan's chest harshly, “Yah!”
Identical hisses of pain came from both and they shared their own look of fear. Wu Fan pulled me against his chest and growled in to my ear, “That hurt my love.” I stuck my tongue out with so much maturity it made Wu Fan roll his eyes at me again.
“Appa!” my baby called for me and I turned to look over my shoulder. Rui ran to me at full speed, getting dirt all over me. I pressed kisses all over his still chubby cheeks and patted his head. Wu Fan looked at us with the smallest spark of jealousy. I gave him a reassuring smile and held his hand as we all went inside.
We crammed ourselves together, Jongdae and Yixing cuddled in a mix of blankets and pillows in the corner near the kitchen, Rui joinedWu Fan and I tucked together on the mattress. My husband's long arms wrapped around my middle and my baby snuggled against my chest.
“Appa?” Rui whispered to me when he thought that everyone but me was asleep. I knew Wu Fan was still awake, his fingers were tracing around my belly-button.
“Yes little gem?” I answered quietly. I heard the sound of Jongdae's soft snore from across the house. I readied myself for the flood of questions I was about to receive. My baby was like that. Quietly watching and studying, and once he had me alone he'd let the damn break and overwhelm me with every question that had been boiling in his mind all day.
“Kris is staying with us forever?” Rui asked. I could make out his black eyes in the darkness.
“Yes baby.” I said and smiled when he grinned with a small squeak of excitement.
“Good.” he quipped.
“You like him?” I checked.
“Yes, a lot.” Rui nodded. I felt his smaller hands reaching to hold mine and I squeezed them playfully. My baby giggled but covered his mouth to keep quiet. In the distance we heard Jongdae groan in complain and a shuffle of movement.
“Appa?” Rui whispered to see if I was still awake. “Yes my love?” I replied. Wu Fan's fingers drummed a soft beat against my tummy.
“If you're my Appa, and Chen is my uncle, then who is Kris and the other man?” oh my son was very smart.
“The other man is Y-his name is Lay.” I recalled Yixing let me know his new alias name. “He is Uncle Chen's husband. So he is Uncle Lay from now on okay?” I told him. I felt my baby's head nod against my chest.
“And Kris...” I heard Wu Fan hold his breath, “Kris is my husband.” I said slowly. I felt Rui's head pop up with surprise.
“Really?!” he said a little bit louder and I shushed him. Jongdae made another complaining noise. We laid in silence until the far couple settled. I poked my little gem's nose to let him now it was safe to continue.
“Kris is your husband Appa? Like your real husband? Like you are married?” he asked. I nodded at his question and he made a contemplative face. His bottom lip stuck out as he thought about that for a second.
“So if he's Appa's husband, and you're my Appa...he is also my Appa?” Rui put two and two together. I thought about that for a second and I wondered...
“You could call him Papa?” I offered.
I felt my baby shake his head, “sounds too much the same...” he complained. I nodded at his comment and felt a little bad that Wu Fan wasn't going to get his old title back.
“How about...Dad?” I tried. I'd heard some of the other foreign children call their father's that.
“What's that?” Rui frowned up at me.
“It's the same as Appa, only a different version. Like a green apple and a red apple. Same fruit, different color.” I explained quickly. I could feel Wu Fan's fingers gently pinching a small piece of skin together. I couldn't tell if he was upset or just anxious. There was a moment of silence before Rui smiled,
“You are Appa, Kris is Dad.” he stated and nodded to himself with approval. A small yawn followed and he mumbled before he drifted off,
“My Appa, my Dad...” and I stroked my son's cheek until I heard his soft breath that signaled he was asleep. I kissed his chubby cheek and whispered goodnight.
I turned over to face my husband who'd been listening the whole time. “Are you okay?” I checked.
His strong arms hugged me tightly and he kissed me sweetly.
“Of course. Don't worry.” he whispered against my lips.
“Are you okay with that? Being his Dad and not Papa?” I bit my lip. I did worry. Wu Fan was still the man who'd raised Rui as a baby with me, he was my partner and my other half.
My husband chuckled under his breath and kissed my forehead gently,
“As long I get to be in his life at all, I'm fine. Even if he called me Mama instead.” he teased and I smiled in to another kiss.
And that was how Rui ended up calling us Uncle Chen, Uncle Lay, Appa and Dad.
We waited a few more weeks, after we'd swapped small stories of our time apart, to talk to Rui about his Dad's missing brother, Luhan.
Yixing had one tiny picture of Luhan, when the brothers were all young adolescents in their old village. I smiled because I could already see the romance blooming between Dae and Yix. It was obvious that young Yixing was infatuated with the cheeky boy next to him, his eyes stuck on that mischievous smile of his future lover. And Jongdae's grip was tight on Yixing's arm, his body not leaving any space between them.
Luhan stood in between Yixing and Wu Fan, his grin wide with his arms slung over his brothers. And my husband's hair was black, his eyes still very strong as he stared at the camera.
I did my best to answer all of Rui's curious questions about his absent Uncle Luhan. I told him about how once upon a time Luhan was my son's favorite companion. I told him about Luhan's habits, how he loved tea, how he was brave and loved fiercely. I realize now I made Luhan out to be some superhero that Rui was fascinated by.
Yixing took a liking to being called 'Uncle Lay' and did his best to teach Rui all he knew of old myths about the stars and the Hawaiian gods. Yixing and Jongdae picked up where they left off, but this time they had a pair of rings to prove their loyalty.
Rui and his Dad fell in to old habits, as if they'd never been parted. Wu Fan spent a lot of time chasing Rui around and catching him to throw him in to a tickle fight. I smiled every time Wu Fan patted Rui's head because he ate well. It was natural for Rui to climb in to Wu Fan's lap before bed, to lean on to him just because.